Fame Whores

I was actually looking into applying for a reality show the other day. Now, it was from a great production company, which was the only reason I was thinking about it. It looked to be based on skill, and not on who looks like they can give Bret Michaels the most STDs.

This all got me thinking about fame and money if the two can be separated. Take the Kardashians for example. If they did not have money they would be nothing but fodder for Jerry Springer that the rest of the general populous look down our noses at saying things like “Those tramps are out of control!” and laugh at. Since they have money, however, we give them multiple TV shows, put them on countless magazine covers and I have to listen to people talk about them like any thought they have matter while I am trying to have a cup of coffee.

Celebrity might be one of the last things we actually manufacture here in America, and we do it at an incredible rate. With every cable network trying to cultivate their own celebrities that are brand loyal to their entertainment news shows to then get scoops on their own ‘stars’ they have become a snake eating their own tail. The escalation of ill-behaved tattooed skanks and self-important douche bags has to hit maximum density at some point.

Reality Show ‘stars’ are NOT celebrities, they do not belong on magazine covers, late night couches, or morning news shows. The do not deserve to be talked about, and as you have perhaps noticed, they do not even deserve links.

Currents:

• Watching: Spartacus Blood and Sand
  
• Listening: Broken Bells
  
• Reading: Tracy Jordan: I am the New Black
• Playing: Bad Company 2
• Creating: Character designs for a comic pitch

Pear is a shape…just not a good one.

I have cut sugar out of my diet to the point that I just ate a large orange and got a sugar rush. If you were to tell the 12-year-old candy loving me this fact, he would not have believed you. He also would not understand the fact that Bucky is back and is now Captain America, and that it works, but this is not an entry about that.

Looking back at when I was in the best shape of my life, I would say it was Senior Year of High School after football. I was running three miles three times a week after school (plus lifting as a class) and was half way to losing the  bulk I had to put on for Football at my coach’s request, since I was not planning on playing in college. It is always at that time when something happens. For me, it was blowing out my ACL. We scheduled my surgery over Spring Break. I would not miss any class, but I did miss going on Spring Break with all my friends and was stuck in town with none of my friends.

By the time I was walking again and through physical therapy it was Freshman year at Purdue. So, suddenly I could have soda at every meal and chicken fingers like three times a week! Not to mention going to fraternity rush events that were full of pizza, hot wings and soda. This doesn’t even count the late night binges of parties and 3am food. Add in a long distance girlfriend that I had to call every night at 9 (for a few months) and there was NO time for hitting the rec center.

So, I got lazy. I got used to not working out, hanging out and eating like I did when I was working out and running around 6 times a week. I graduated college up 30lbs. Ouch! First thing I did when I moved was got to the gym. I had a buddy that could go with me for a while, but then he got married, so us getting together at 7 am was a bit harder. I stuck with it though. I dropped 20 of those pounds again. Then I got engaged.

Wedding planning and late nights on the phone led to sleeping in, which led to not going to the gym again. I was starting to hate my job, so I was eating. Holly would come up on weekends and we would hang out the whole time, and I would never make it to the gym then either. The whole time, I was still REALLY bad with portion sizes. So, I started a diet and lost about 15 of the 20 pounds I had added back on. For those of you good at math, I am still ‘up’ 15 pounds at this point, not counting the 10 I had left that I wanted to lose when I blew my knee out. Then, I got married.

Now, I love to cook, but I am not good at portioning. Holly was never taught out to cook. So, there was a LOT of  ‘bringing food home‘ and ‘lets meet up at…‘ going on. I learned how hard it was to get out of the bed in the morning when there is another warm body there. Holly, also was mostly a night person. I would try to go to bed at 11 so I could get up, she would come to bed at 12, I would wake up, and could not fall asleep till 1. Then, when the alarm went off at 6:30 I was still exhausted and had that warm body next to me… So, lets add 20 back on.

Cut to now. I am back in the game. I have been running a LOT. I love my Nike+ system, and my running shoes are the most comfortable I have ever ran in. I am also learning to be selfish, which is new to me. I am going to the gym for me. I am going to bed on time and not just staying up because Holly is not tired. I am getting up and getting ready for the gym and I am taking the time to eat right. Holly has gone vegetarian, so that helps with not going out or bringing food home as much since she can’t really eat at a lot of fast food places. Nike + makes my runs feel like a video game, which means I squeeze in an extra .25 miles or so on almost every run to hit milestones faster. And everyone can see my mile pace, so maybe I bump the treadmill up another .2 for it’s speed to bring down my overall pace.

My overall goal is to be down to wearing Large T-Shirts by SDCC (roughly 5 months away),  so I am setting some goals along the way.

• 10lbs: MST3K  set
• 15lbs: MST3K set
• 20lbs: MST3K set
• 25lbs: Dayman T-Shirt size L
• 30lbs: Diesel Watch
• 35lbs:  Kenneth Cole shirt size L
• 40lbs: Camera Lens

Currents:

• Just watched: LOST
• Listening: Alter Ego Comics Podcast
• Reading: Tracy Jordan: I am the New Black
• Playing: Bad Company 2
• Creating: Character designs for a comic pitch

What’s up, bitches?

Been a while.

I have not really had time for blogging, and Twitter is just so much faster, but I am going to give this another go! Since my last post, we have finished building the house and moved in, had to put Oliver to sleep, and Holly has been through two car crashes, one totaled and one long repair! Hopefully if I go another 8 months before posting we will have the insurance settlement from the second one finally.

The house is getting there. The backyard is nothing but a bathroom for Bauer, and will most likely stay that way for another year as we finish the inside of the house and the front porch. Also, I REALLY need a new car if this winter has shown me anything. I have already gotten stuck in the front of the house and the alley behind it. Plus it is two wide to fit in the garage with another car.

Despite all our best attempts Oliver had to be put down due to aggression. He had bit three people in as many months, two requiring stitches. He bit the lady where he we boarded him on Christmas Eve, and the lady who came to evaluate him for placement with a ‘special needs trainer/home’. Something was wrong with the poor dog. He was always high energy, but in the last two years had just become more and more aggressive with less predictability. I actually got a hold of the Best Friends Network and Dogtown, but they did not have any of the aggressive dog spaces open during the time we were looking.  They are the group that took in Michael Vick’s dogs. The vet we go to was absolutely perfect with the whole situation and made an incredibly rough time a little better. They even made a plaster cast of his footprint which they gave me when I picked up his ashes. I am man enough to say I cried in the car for a good 15 minutes after picking him up.

So, to lighten things up….

Four people I would want to have a dinner with: Jay Z, Bobby Flay, Jon Stewart, and Matt Groening. I think I am somewhere in the middle of that square if I were to describe myself. I think that the four of them make up the different sides of my personality.

So, to play a game, what would your four sides/dinner guests be? Answer below!

Currents:

• Just watched: A Serious Man
• Listening: Eagles of Death Metal
• Reading: Tracy Jordan: I am the New Black
• Playing: JUST finished: Infamous
• Creating: Character designs for a comic pitch

Back to the drawing board.

Usually that phrase means someone is scrapping what they have. That they are throwing in the towel in what they are doing. Not in this case. I am literally going ‘back to the drawing board’ I am making my return to drawing. I have been slacking lately. That is not saying I have not been crazy busy, that is just saying I have not been doing the thing that makes me most happy*: creating. I have been brainstorming, but not creating.

Next week, I will get my drafting table back when we move into our new house, and I plan on using it. I have three ideas right now. One for each medium that I love. Okay, technically one is going to be for two mediums. One is a comic strip/on-line comic that I am going to pitch to Zuda. I pitched a comic to them last year and it was rejected, and I am glad, because this one is not only better, but cathartic, and I will do it even if they don’t pick it up. It is sarcastic satire, it needs to be said, and for my sanity, I need to say it.

Another is a limited series that I am going to pitch to either IDW, Dark Horse, Vertigo, Devil’s Due, or another publisher of that caliber. I want a publisher that can sell it, cause it would make a hell of a movie. Goal is to have a first issue done by Mid Ohio Con.

The third, and oh boy, this is my baby. This is the thing that has been in my head for years. My epic. My Magnum Opus. The TV show. This is the thing I can’t get out of my head. A 5 season animated TV show. This is step three in my world domination plot. This will happen.

I say all of things in a non egotisticalway. It is just how it is. I will do whatever it takes, short of compromising myself. I will not give up, it just isn’t in my nature. And, just to be clear, I am not saying this in a whiney-ass Twilight, Emo type of way. I do not think ‘my words are gospel’ I am saying this because I will make it happen.

p.s. anyone who thinks one of those Volcano Burritos from Taco Bell is hot is a fucking pussy.

Currents:

• Watching: Anchorman
• Listening: TI – Papertrail
• Reading: Patriot Acts by Greg Rucka
• Playing: Battlefield: Bad Company
• Creating: New Zuda Submission

*Not counting my wife.

Good TV should not die.

With According to Jim still on TV, there is no reason why good TV should die. It should end, however. Lost has proved that. The show flailed a little in it’s second or third season, but good lord, once it determined when it would end it has been dynamite. There are, however plenty of shows that have died before their time.

With word that Fox is going to air a reality show where the subject is downsizing someone on national tv, and Octomom getting a show as well, how the hell can quality shows like Chuck and Life be on the chopping block. I would rather pick up my dog’s still steaming shit, with my bare hands, just after he squats it out than watch either of those reality shows.

Shows that need not die:

• Chuck
• Life
• Dollhouse

If these shows die, and you watch either of those shows, I will find you and punch you in the neck.

What the frak is wrong with being an elitist?

I am sick of  those stupid McDonald’s commercials where annoying hipster-douchbags discard their poser ways because now McDonald’s has slightly glorified coffee milkshakes. When it comes to normal coffee, McDonalds’ coffee is pretty decent, and I like it better than Pike’s Peak from Starbucks, but coffee is not the issue here, glorifying ignorance is. In one commercial a woman is so excited she can discard her insanely pretentious hobbys and read ‘gossip magazines’ again. Really? Do we need to push the excitement of leaving books behind for gossip mags? Who is Paris blowing this month? Who gives a fuck. What are the chances that half the vacant shells who read those mags can find Paris on a map?

Exactly when did being an elitist become a bad thing? When did wanting the best, or wanting to be the best become a bad thing? I don’t vote for the guy I would most want to have a beer with, I vote for the guy that I think is the smartest person in the room. Speaking of beer I don’t  order a Natty Light at the bar, I order a Guinness. Does that make me an elitist because I like an imported beer?  Does loving Seven Samurai by Akira Kurosawa make me an elitist if The Magnificent Seven is the same movie, but with cowboys and in english? The Magnificent Seven, is also a great movie by the way. I am not saying you have to have steak at every meal, but what is wrong with occasionally wanting the best? Or maybe that is the problem.

As more and more kid’s sports’ leagues start not counting winners and losers so that feelings are not hurt are we dooming an entire generation to a wall of participation ribbons and a lifetime of entitlement? There is no ‘best’ any more, there is only ‘good enough’. I am sorry your kid sucks at basketball, maybe he should find something he is good at and enjoys. Lets let the landscape level itself out instead of pushing the peaks down. We now punishing the best and the brightest amongst us out of jealousy. Are people that short sighted that they now look down upon those that actually tried for a first place ribbon and made themselves better?

Having a knowledge about science and actually traveling outside your hometown can only be a good thing, but often is viewed as being elite. Growing up in Indiana, I knew a guy that, at age 26 was leaving the state for the first time ever, for his honeymoon. You can drive across Indiana in less than four hours, and we worked 90 minutes from Chicago. He never drove the 45 minutes west it would take to reach Illinois. The thing is, people like him call people elitist. It is people who never stretch themselves and stay within the comfort zone they live in because they fear venturing out.

Wanting the best and reaching for knowledge does not make you an elitist, it makes you a better person. There are people that are pretentious douchebags, but they are not elitist, they are just douchebags.

Currents:

• Watching: Lost
• Listening: Bill Maher: New Rules
• Reading: Maxx Barry: Syrup
• Playing: Rainbow Six Vegas 2
• Creating: New Comic Drawings

Horror Hound Convention

I meant to do this last week, but my excuse is that I was busy. The truth is I was lazy. (Too much meaningful Hockey and NCAA games to watch!)

For my friend’s bachelor party last weekend we went to the Horror Hound convention in Indianapolis. Now, I am not a huge horror fan. I like it, but the current popularity cycle of ‘Torture Porn’ is not my bag. I like Vampires, Werewolves and Lovecraftiantype movies, but it sounded like fun, so I was excited. The weekend was in fact, a lot of fun, mostly due to the great group of guys that we had with us, and the fact that a horror con is rife with content to enjoy as well as mock. An added dose of irony was the Church of God’s Women’s Conference that shared the convention are with us.

We had a lot of Corey Haim jokes ready to go, The Two Corey’sgives you a lot of material to work with, but in person the guy could not be cooler. He was very genuine with his fans and walked through the crowd just like a normal convention attendee smiling at everyone who met his gaze. The man also plays a mean jimbay in an impromto lobby concert Saturday Night.

I sat in on three movies at the con and will leave my reviews (with spoilers and depression ratings) below.

Shuttle - 45 minutes of a very good suspense survival horrortype movie. Unfortunately it was a lot longer than that. If you have a chance to shoot the man who is: tormenting you, has killed one of your party and cut off all the fingers of another person, you pull the trigger. Don’t worry about getting convicted for murder if he dies, you blow off both kneecaps THEN strap him in to the seat. By rescue opportunity #5 we stopped caring and kind of wanted these people dead. There were so many Red Herrings in this movie that it was obvious they were in there only to kill time and make a 45 minute movie long enough for a feature. Ending Depression Meter 4 out of 5 women shipped in crates.

Quench- Before this movie the director spoke to the crowd and thanked everyone for supporting “True Independent Filmaking” and mentioned the directors that were his biggest influences and named several of giants of the genre. *Note to Directors* If you made a low budget and/or shitty movie do not make people think of awesome directors and movies prior to your movie. This movie is bad in all the ways that an old MST3K horror movie is bad: Awkward silences, stilted dialogue and characters who get together simply because they are the only two other people in the movie and have a chemistry level that is below 0 on the Kelvin scale. The lead actor makes kittens dieinside of his sweatpants, and then crys before almost slitting his throat with scissors, all of which is inspired by seeing his friends get freaky on a canvas in their basement. This was the funniest scene in the movie until he gets treated like Pesci in Raging Bulland the camera pulls back to see a black towel laid out perfectly underneath him on top of the cream carpet in an otherwise immaculate room. Yes, they were more worried about getting corn syrup on the carpet than getting a realistic shot. Also, if you join a cult of blood drinkers, there better be some kind of power involved, or else why join a cult? Just drink blood at home if you are still going to be a part time bagger at a grocery store in your 20s. Ending Depression Meter 1 out of 5 anvils dropping on your head for the twist ending.

Blood River- Best movie I saw there. I really only have one complaint and that is the ending was too vague. I understand that the director wanted to leave it vague, because sometimes we never know, and that makes it worse at times, but let the audience know. There were a few hints, but they did not add up to us knowing exactly what happened to cause the young couple being psychologically tortured by the Stranger. I appreciate not being spoon fed a resolution, but I also like having a bit more to discuss about what the resolution could have been. Seeing this movie made me hope that the guy that directed Quench stuck around to see how to edit a dialogue scene, because that was 90% of this movie, and it never bored me through any of the conversations.

Currents:

• Watching: It’s Always Sunny in Philadephia
• Listening: Ghostface Killah – Fishscale
• Reading: Apathy and Other Small Victories
• Playing: Rainbow Six Vegas 2
• Creating: 1 Page Comic

How I stopped rooting for the Red Wings and became a Blue Jackets fan.

Oh yes, I am going there.

After years of following the Red Wings, I have left them. We broke up. Or, to be fair, I dumped them. There are a few reasons, one in particular is that they pissed off my wife.

She bought be tickets to their game against the Blackhawks last April, it was opening weekend for the Tigers as well, so we could see them both! Well, we saw the Tigers and saw The D-Train’s debut, for whatever that was worth and got up the next day to see the Wings! Well, we did not grab a paper that morning, and apparently the game time was moved up earlier in the week and we missed it. NBC decided to show the game and wanted to ‘fit it in’ befor golf. I have never seen Holly so man. Granted, I should have checked, but seriously, with one game of hockey on TV a week, and this one not being on the schedule the week previous, I thought it was safe. I was wrong, and I have never seen Holly so mad. She rooted against them through the whole playoffs and it was clear she would never forgive them. I still rooted for them, but quietly.

Then, in July of last year we left Indiana for Columbus, Ohio. It most likely says something about either Hockey, or how crazy this town is for OSU anything that it never registered that the Blue Jackets were here until I looked into things to do in the city after I accepted the job. My first thought was that I was excited that I could see the Red Wings when they played here. Holly just looked at me sideways. She was mostly excited I was leaving my job behind, since she saw how unhappy and uncertain I had become there and didn’t want to press the issue.

The season started and I thought, “Hm, maybe I should try and get tickets for opening night.” Holly had to work, and it would give me something to do, I mean, they were playing Nashville, and I could root for the Jackets in that game. I didn’t go, but I did listen to the game on the radio and it sounded like a lot of fun, and hey, they won! The thing was, it was not a known thing. They were not favored. People in Ohio are going to hate this, but the Red Wings are like Ohio State football. You know they are going to most likely win the division and go to the playoffs with a great chance to win it all, there is only the chance that they will choke. And with both those teams that chance is pretty good. You root that you do not choke, not that you win.

I got free tickets to a preseason game against the BlackHawks through work, the fact that it was the same team that we was supposed to see in Detroit amused my wife. She took this as a sign that I should root for the Jackets. We had a great time, and the Jackets DESTROYED Chicago. 7-1, and 5 fights. Holly likes the fights. On my birthday I got a PS3 and the game I picked out with it was the NHL2K9 game with Rick Nash on the cover. I felt compelled to play as the Blue Jackets. I have always played my seasons on hockey games as the Red Wings, and usually blasted my way through the competition too easily, and while it was fun, it usually got boring by February of the season I was playing.

Then a local grocery station along with Pepsi had a promotion that you could get 4 free tickets if you buy 4 twelve-packs of Pepsi. I ended up buying 16. We did not need soda for a long time, and I was excited that we could go see four more games on the cheap! Building a house has tied up a majority of our cash, so cheap entertainment was a no-brainer!

I have now been to six CBJ games (and I am going this Sunday) and they are 6-0 when I go, including two wins over the Red Wings. Two wins they were not supposed to have, and two wins that I could not stop cheering for the Blue Jackets. Above where I compared the Red Wings to the OSU football, I would compare the CBJ to Purdue Football. A team that is always in it, and always dangerous to pull off the upset, but never viewed as a power-house nationaly. And I love me some Purdue Football!

So, the story ends up with me getting a 10 pack of season tickets for Holly and I next year, and two Blue Jackets shirts and one hat, to my zero Red Wings.

Now, the only question is if/when I put my Red Wings bobble heads on ebay.

• Watching: Blue Jackets DESTROY Calgary
• Listening: Doom: Born Like This
• Reading: Apathy and Other Small Victories
• Playing: Little Big Planet
• Creating: 1 Page Comic

Octomom: Living “The American FAIL”

Our new President is preaching for self-sacrifice and self-accountability due to the fact that, yes, WE got ourselves into this mess that the economy is in. We had a hell of a lot of help, and more bad advice than Alex Rodriguez’s PR Agent can dish out, but what got us into this mess was old fashioned greed. This is nothing new, and it isn’t going to stop. Hell, when I went for my new construction loan in August I was approved (on my own credit) for ‘up to 300k’. Seriously? I am nervous enough for the modest (okay, slightly above modest) amount we took it for. For years, we, as Americans took those 300k loans living on edges so frayed you would think they belonged on a ‘vintage’ hat at Abercrombie. So, now, with everything that has happened over the last couple years, all the warnings and signs there is no greater example of what I am calling “The American FAIL” than Octomom.

Collecting animals is an early sign of mental illness. It is hoarding. She is not well. I am not going to bash her, because I honestly think she is sick. The problem is with the system that has let her continue this practice of hoarding children with no oversight, and with no accountability. There is no shortage of children. They are a boring little miracle that happens every second of every day. My eventual children will be the exception though, so in the future when I brag about them, you can kindly fuck off, because they will be better than yours. It’s pretty much a given.

A colleague made the comment that there should be the same oversight and care taken in allowing someone to have in-vitro as there is for her when she adopted her two daughters. I know several people that have adopted and I know all the time and effort they had to spend in order to adopt. (Also, note that should we ever adopt children they will also be better than yours.) For in-vitro she simply had to write a check, or charge it. I honestly hope she paid for it with a welfare check. That would be awesome on an EPIC FAIL level.
So now, after making bad decision after bad decision she is now being GIVEN care for the eight babies. I have no problem with them getting help, but the first step should be getting them away from her. Then, give free help to eight families that need the help because they lost their jobs. She is also getting to live for free in a house owned by her father. It is not in her name, so she is still considered jobless with no assets and 14 dependants.

In this environment of bailouts, this is one that actually has a face, that is why America is so mad. It is someone specific we can point to, not just ‘empty suits’. She joins Bernie Madoff as the faces of the extremes of greed in this economy. The fool, and the con-man. Both took all they could and hoarded what they loved most, babies and money. And both have damaged all the lives they touch.

• Watching: Purdue DESTROY Penn State
• Listening: Blue Jackets game on Radio
• Reading: Apathy and Other Small Victories
• Playing: Little Big Planet
• Creating: 1 Page Comic

Watchmen

I know the story of Watchmen. I know it very well. The reputation the book had of being ‘unfilmable’ was well earned. I say ‘was’ because Snyder blew me away. The biggest take-away I had was that it was the first movie I saw that was paced like a comic book. Sure, Sin City was an amazingly recreation of the story (with all it’s strengths and weaknesses) but it was paced like a movie. It used all the shots from the book, but they would speed up or slow down. Watchmen took it’s time.

I get the concerns with the slow motion fighting, but for me, it worked, because in comics you might get three panels of a single fight move, how else can you tell that story, except to slow it down and let you catch every blow just as they would happen for an individual trained to the utmost in their fighting.

There was no squid. For me, the squid was a huge mind-fuck in the comic. It was out of nowhere. The new ending (not to ruin it) felt organic, and if you did not know, it felt like the original ending. It kept it more contained and removed the subplot of the writer of The Black Freighter, which I do look forward to seeing on dvd. Snyder busted his balls on this and it shows. Alan Moore might not care to ever watch it, but to Alan I say what I have had to say to many fanboys over the years. At the end of the day: “It’s just a comic book”. Just like I will also say “It’s just a movie”.

• Watching: Burn Notice
• Listening: Kidney Thieves
• Reading: Apathy and Other Small Victories
• Playing: Little Big Planet
• Creating: 1 Page Comic